Friday, May 30, 2008

Products that scare me a little


1. The Babykeeper Basic. A baby carrier that transforms into this handy thing that lets you dangle your baby from public washroom doors when you have to go.
2. Mac a Cheezee. I really thought this was a joke the first time I saw them in the grocery store. All the fat and salt of regular mac ‘n cheese with the added benefit of deep-frying!
3. Lunchables. Apparantly a $750 million a year industry. Notice how you don’t get more than a teensy glimpse of the product. Parents assume it’s real food. As long as the kids are happy, let’s not enquire too closely.
4. Bodyperks nipple enhancers. “As worn on the nipple episode of Sex and the City”, it says, “Don’t settle for an imitation product.” They’re only $20 a pair.
5. And while we’re enhancing our bits and pieces, let’s not forget the dog. Neuticles, to give Rover back his macho mojo after he’s had his boysectomy.
6. The Lady Taser. O.M.G.! (this one scares me a lot)

7. Backpack Shield. You can buy just the shield or a lovely variety of bullet-proof backpacks. They’re for your kids. To give you piece of mind when sending the little ones out in the scary world.
7. Jonny Glow – helps men to see where they’re going.
8. Ontario Ministry of Health’s new home colon cancer home check kit – as seen on those see-through-people tv ads. You poop on a stick and send the poop-loaded stick to a lab, through the mail, in a postage-paid envelope that comes with the free kit.

61 comments:

tajudin said...

oh that no. 1 pic is really scary! very practical, i must say, but do they really "hang" like that?

XUP said...

Tajudin - thank you for visiting from so far away! And, yes, I believe women are just supposed to suspend their infants along filthy public toilet stall doors. I don't get why they can't just stay in the sling on the mother while she does her business.

tajudin said...

agree.

but i dont think we have that "facility to hang baby" in our public toilet.

or perhaps, i overlooked.

Bandobras said...

BY the way I know a guy who just recently had to have 1 testicle removed because of a tumor and he had a neuticle put in place. I'm not sure there was ever a dog who worried about the look but as a pretty young man looking normal is important to him at this time. Good news was they found the tumor was benign.

Chris said...

Wow... I have nothing to say. I can't believe some of those things made it off the drawing board and onto store shelves.

Especially the Lunchables

zoom said...

The Lady Taser? Our tasering needs are so much different from mens.

The public washroom baby dangler thing reminds me that women are advised not to hang their purse on the hook in the stall, because a thief can just reach over and grab it. Bye-bye baby.

At the other extreme, I pity the poor kid whose neurotic, over-protective, out-of-touch parents make him wear the backpack shield. (Unless, of course, he's in the witness protection program.)

XUP said...

Tajudin - I can see this gadget really fascinates you. Perhaps you ought to look into selling it locally?

Bandobras - So were these things invented first for dogs to excell at dog shows or first for humans to help them get through difficult circumstances?

Chris - Yes, indeed. The lunchables are by far the scariest thing - especially if you read the ingredient list and/or taste them.

Zoom - I wonder if a Teen Taser comes with the Kevlar backpack? Or a Baby Taser with the Baby Dangler so they can zap anyone trying to steal them off the toilet door?

Dr.John said...

I'm going to get one of those backpack shields. It's a dangerous world out there.
What a great list of products.

Newsguy Bob said...

...or to Taser the kid if he/she keeps screaming and just won't shut the f**k up.
"Set Tazers on stun."

XUP said...

Dr. John - Yes, it is. If you follow the link, you'll see you can also purchase complete backpacks (in a variety of lovely styles and colours)with shields already installed. And some handy tips on the many ways the backpack shield will come in handy in your life.

Bob - It's probably a good thing that you don't have any kids.

VioletSky said...

These things are almost too funny to be real! I can see the '22 Minutes' satirists having a great time with them!

But the fact that they are real IS scary.

Hunters Glory said...

love to see where i am going to ...great blog!

JB said...

Yes, and if you check the Taser International website, you'll see that since that story ran (Aug 07)they now come in a much wider variety of designer colours. There's nothing scarier than the freak who owns the Taser company, either. That's one scary individual.

Bandobras said...

I haven,t done any research on this but I certainly heard of the neuticles for dogs before I heard of them for people.

Josie said...

Those don't even look like real nipples. Oh, goodness, what will they think of next?

Some of those food things look disgusting. I can't imagine people would even buy them, much less put them into their children's mouths. *ick*

I love the Jonny Glow, though. I think that would save many an early morning battle from brewing. :-)

XUP said...

Violetsky-There isn't much 22 minutes could do with them that they haven't already done to themselves!

Hunter- Thanks. Interesting how you only visit/comment for the toilet-related posts.

JB- Mind-boggling.

Bandobras - Ya, they probably don't call them neuticles when they're for people.

Josie - Did you see the photos of the female people wearing them under their tight, tight sweaters? I guess maybe they look sort of real then -- a very perky sort of real, of course.

And, sadly, lunchables are all the rage among the elementary school set.

Kimberly said...

I had no idea most of this stuff was for sale - very funny.

The baby hanger? Why do I envision mom's using that at home so they can watch an extra hour of bad afternoon TV?

alison said...

My girls lobby me all the time for lunchables. I always say no. I'm a mean, mean mom.

XUP said...

Kimberley – Kind of a less annoying Jolly Jumper. Poor baby.

Alison - Sometimes it’s good to let them try one, just once and put an end to the nagging once and for all. I’ve heard they’re quite disgusting tasting to kids who are used to real food…which not too many are these days. But, from what I know of you, I suspect your kids wouldn’t like them. Is it worth taking the risk??

Jazz said...

I'd seen the lady tazer and the fake nips, but these others!

I find it really frightening that you can have your own personal tazer.

XUP said...

Jazz -- Yes, I foresee a lot of accidents

Pearl said...

Johnny Glow would help with the scrubbing too.

Funny HBC has the opposite of those nipple enhancers, little covers to make us pretend we have no nipples. didn't notice the price tho.

XUP said...

Pearl – Ah yes, very every woman whose nipples aren’t perky enough there are an equal number of women whose nipples are so perky they perk right through all her clothes even when she wears a padded bra. Good thing there are people out there ready and willing to solve all these problems.

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